Dear Christmas, this year I’m just not that into you! Being an adult, behaving like an adult when all you want to do is enjoy the childishness of Christmas…. adulting and Christmas SUCKS. I will not get into all the details of why just yet, that is a whole other set of blog posts.
All of the things that I really enjoyed about Christmas are seemingly moving further and further away. It was about family gatherings, playing games, laughing really loudly, talking over one another, drinking a lot of rum and eggnog, eating good food and seeing the excitement growing as the days and minutes grew closer to the arrival of the big man in red! Things just aren’t how they used to be, even with the children close at hand, I’m just not connecting.
December 25, 2006 this photo was taken, it was the last Christmas that my family was ever all together, that moment will not ever happen again, far too much has changed. When I had first moved to Vancouver and began being unable to go home for Christmas due to working and cost of travel, I would host an Orphan’s Christmas, where all those people who didn’t have a big family to go to could come over, be in good company and eat good food! Slowly, those “orphans” have all found families, either by reconnecting or making one of their own!
Slowly but surely as everyone else’s family was growing and mine was growing further and further apart. One thing is for sure that I’m slowly still learning over the years is that it’s about quality not quantity. I cannot do anything to change what has been done, I cannot make anyone feel something they don’t, I cannot change everything. I can only own the role I play in it all! This mama needs to focus on what is right here in front of my face. I need to get in the damn christmas spirit and focus on right here.. right now.
I feel like I’ve been in mourning for all the Christmas’s past. It’s not the same and while I may sound dramatic but I assure you it’s true.. it will never happen again the way that I remember and I guess this year I’m struggling to let go. I don’t really want to let go and I don’t want to feel like I have too. Adulting and Christmas sucks! I want presents wrapped in duct tape from my brother Jeff. I want a Rum with my Dad. I want soggy stuffing from my Grandma and deserts a plenty from my Mom. I want to wonder where David is cause he’s notoriously late. But reality is, it won’t happen, it’ll never be the same!
Seeing that picture of our last Christmas together got me in a funk that I just cannot seem to shake, it reminded me of my very 1st Christmas all alone in Lake Louise, 18 years old and missing her family! Growing up, realizing your growing up and not being able to change things sucks, there is no other mature way to put it. I want to stomp my feet and yell. I’m struggling and while I’m confident in time, it will all get better! This was not how I wanted to spend this Christmas! So I need to make room in the bed for Santa and kick the Grinch out!. I want to enjoy the excitement, I want rum balls, I want egg nog cheese cake and Sangria Ham. I want laughter and happiness this Christmas!
Have you ever been in a funk at Christmas time? How did you get back in the mood? Any tips? Surely there must be a way to Adult at Christmas time that doesn’t suck! HELP!